All for love

When I was a little girl I already knew what I thought the purpose of life is, at least for me. I like to think my being, my soul, brought with it a simple important message when I was born that somehow I was able to remember and hold with me my whole life. The message was a single word but encompasses so much of who I want to be and my purpose for being alive: Love. I'd like to think that knowing my purpose from the time I was a little girl, basically since I was born, would give me a head start in accomplishing this goal. But even though I know it, it is so difficult to fulfill it. I mean, it is easy to love some people, like my child and my husband, especially when they are loving me and bringing joy and happiness into my life. But the kind of love I'm talking about is an unselfish love that loves at all times, even when it's difficult. There are so many times that I put myself first. Even, at times, above the people I love the most. I believe that children ought to be a mother's (and father's) first priority. Obviously there are times when they are not the number one focus - I have needs and things I need to do daily that I'm paying more attention to at the moment. But on the whole, my child's health, safety, happiness, and well being comes before my social life, a car, a bigger house, and even a computer and other people should it come down to it. If helping a family member or a friend is going to put my child's life or safety, and possibly even growth and well being in danger, I can't help them.

A lot of people these days, including the government, are making work, career, friends, and other things more important than our children. Maybe not their safety and their life may not be at stake, but children need the attention of their parents. Children need to know that someone loves them and is willing to put them first, above anything else. Sometimes putting them first means putting aside your dream of staying at home with them in order to make ends meet. And, sometimes it means putting your career on hold to stay at home with your children. If you are working to make ends meet you are helping your children thrive and grow. And though it's likely more difficult for a working mom, you sacrifice relaxation after a long hard day to get down and play with them, cook them a healthy meal, and read them a bedtime story. If you are working for prestige, or conveniences like a second car, or yearly vacations, or things that you don't really need, I challenge you to consider that perhaps your children would be better off to have you as a full time care giver. Children grow up so fast and when they are older we will all be wishing they are young again. You can make your child feel like they are loved and your number one priority regardless if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom. Always tell them they are loved. Never let them feel you don't want them in your life. Tell them if it was simply up to you and you alone they would never leave your side. And make sacrifices for them - time, most importantly. Spend your time off with them. Get down on the floor and play with them whenever you can. When you walk through the front door give them a hug and your love before rushing to get dinner on and your things put away. If I'm not willing to sacrifice for my child, who am I willing to sacrifice for?

I want to sacrifice for not only my child, and my husband, but for all my family and friends. Even strangers. For the most part I don't. Hopefully I do when it really counts. Hopefully my life has impacted more lives for the better than for the worse. I usually sacrifice when it gives me some benefit. The one thing I do that sometimes has no benefit to myself is the time and energy towards organizing my mommy group. The group benefits me as a whole - it has given me a handful or two of precious friendships, lots of wonderful outings and memories, as well as a way for me to do something I am good at (organization) which is a reward in itself. But I do it for more than myself otherwise I would have kept the group for moms with children around the same age as my own. I only go to about half the events I post. I do it because I want as many mommies as possible to be sharing all these precious moments together and believe in the benefits of friendship, support, and connecting with others.

I am always striving to do better, to love more, to love better - meaning to forgive, uplift people, complement them, listen to them, do nice things for them, applaud them, be courteous, patient, and kind. It's too easy to get caught up in self serving behavior and I need to constantly be reminding myself in order to love others consistently. All my life all I really wanted was a family including children, over a career or any material possession. I'm so thankful I am living that dream and can't imagine it any other way. My mom was a stay at home mom and we were always number 1 in her life. We knew it, and still do. At times we may even think she cares too much, does too much for us, and not enough for herself. But, you know what? She made us feel loved, secure, and like we were worth it! We were worth her giving up a better social life, a job, more money, a bigger house, or whatever else she possibly could have had if she focused more on herself. That confidence in knowing there was someone who wanted me and loved me and wanted to spend every moment she could beside me made me grow up very confident in who I am inside and into a very independent person who appreciates every minute of the time my mom spent with us, giving us the greatest gift a person could possibly give another being: a happy childhood and so many wonderful memories it would be impossible to write them all down. My parents never wanted to vacation alone. They wanted us with them. (They still do!) Whenever September rolled around and our Priest would start talking about how happy all the parents must be that the kids are going back to school and out of their hands, my mom made sure we knew that she did not feel that way. It always bothered me to think that my parents would be happy to get rid of me. I think if my mom never told me she really did want me despite what the rest of the world says, I would have grown up trying to please her and leaving home sooner, giving her what I thought she really wanted - being apart from me.

I hope that when my child(ren) look back on their childhood they too are blessed with a multitude of happy memories, know they are loved and have always been my number one priority. If that is all I am able to accomplish with my life, that is enough. Love is always enough.

The end of March already?!

Has it been over 2 weeks since my last post? Must be something about this crazy summer weather we've been having in March this year! We were at the park almost every day for almost 2 weeks straight! I absolutely LOVE it! This week the weather has turned cooler again, for the most part, but that is okay - it's still March, and I'm just happy to have enjoyed a 2 week summer break from winter without leaving home this year!










Lots of things have been going on. I started a weight loss challenge program with my mommy group last week, even though I started my "diet" weeks prior to that. I have not been with-holding things I really want from myself, although I do make sure I really want it and think it's worth all those calories before enjoying. I still eat chocolate, and chips, and whatever I want. But I have been logging and tracking everything. And if the day has gone way over my target, I aim to do better. And most days I do better, simply because I'm keeping track of it. I have also added some exercise, and find I am going to bed feeling a little hungry rather than going to bed feeling full. I used to fear that, thinking that if I feel too hungry when I eat in the morning my body will go into starvation mode and it would turn all my breakfast into fat. I don't think it works that way anymore. I think it means I've burned more calories than I've ate that day and I've lost 4.5 pounds in the month so it's obviously doing something good instead of something bad! I've been really watching my portions, measuring everything I eat so I can accurately keep track of it all. I'm very happy about my progress and hope to do even better next month. The meeting itself went really well, I thought. Everyone left motivated to do their best, and we shared lots of laughs, tips, and there were lots of nods of agreement when people were talking. I am looking forward to our regular meetings and even running a second session when the first is finished. Hopefully everyone will lose weight and feel they gained something from the session even if they don't win any money (only first, second and third place win money based on percentage of weight loss in 20 weeks).

We went to the maple syrup festival a few weeks ago (I went over on my calorie intake that day!). we went to the one at Bronte Provincial park. It cost $16 to get in, plus something like $7.50 for 3 pancakes, a juice box, and some bacon, plus some maple syrup and treats I picked up at the gift store. Personally I didn't find it to be worth the cost to jump on some hay stacks and see a few farm animals we could see for free at Chinguacousy Park in Brampton. The pancakes and wagon ride were great, but not worth $23.50. We will not be doing this again any time soon.

Last week we had a pajama pizza preschooler party at my house with puzzles and play doh and because it was such a beautiful day, park time. Everything started with the letter P. All the kids (and most mommies) came in their pajama's. We ate pizza, popcorn, pasta, pretzels, pentagon sandwiches, popcorn chicken and some baked zucchini sticks (the only thing that didn't start with p) for lunch. The park was the best part as the boys played for over an hour while I got to chat with a good friend (and power walk back to my home and back for a potty break).

Today I had to get another root canal done. I had a sharp pain in my head half the time they were working on my tooth but it wasn't that bad. The worst part is the anticipation. I get really anxious about going to the dentist and stress out. I am glad it is over, but I have to go back to the dentist next week for a permanent filling as well as a cavity in the tooth beside it. I also have a big cavity on the other side of my mouth to fill and a cavity underneath a crown that is going to cost me an additional $300 to get fixed. The root canal alone today was $1400. Thank God my husband got a bonus this month, but it is now all used up to pay off our line of credit debt and my root canal. Did not even see where that went! Thankfully we do get some of it back from his insurance, however last time it was only $500 so $700 is still an awful lot to pay for something that is so dreadful. My teeth are horrible... and I do take care of them - brushing, flossing, rinsing... It seems they are just not strong enough. They have been bad all my life, and that is probably why I hate going to the dentist as much as I do. I think I'll be the one with dentures when I'm old and gray... hopefully these teeth will last me that long, and I won't need to get dentures in like 10 years or something! :(

I have been enjoying spending more time cooking lately too, which is strange as I used to hate it! I can't figure out how to get photos up here today but I made a wonderful crispy chicken in which I coated the chicken with egg white, then cheddar cheese, and then a ritz cracker crumb mixture. It was topped with a cream of chicken soup mixed with some sour cream and butter. Oh, it was sooo good! I even made it with bone-in chicken that I de-boned myself! I also made a nice chili, a great quiche, homemade soup, burgers, baked zucchini sticks, delicious fruit beverages (low in calories and sooo tasty!) and on Friday I am going to make a family cabbage roll recipe (my late grandmothers recipe. I made them once before, but with a friends help). :)











I hope everyone got to enjoy the summer like weather while it lasted and hopefully we will get similar weather periods in April and May!

Samko Sale, Fun Zone, and being Healthy

Last Friday we went to Fun Zone, an indoor playground in south west Mississauga. It is $5 to play all day, and when you go 4 times, your 5th visit is free. We enjoy Funzone for it's variety, cleanliness, value, and space. It is a large place with lots of room for running around. There are 8+ slides, a castle climbing structure, 2 bouncy castles, a ball pit, kitchen area, toy houses, and a pretend market. The eating area is separate but large enough for everyone, with a microwave, and the play area is not too crowded. This time after the kids asked us to try the hurricane simulator, we split the $2 cost and allowed the boys to feel up to 100mph wind gusts. Ryan got a little scared half way through, and he came out so everyone had a try, but then Ryan kept asking to go back in. It was worth the $1 I paid.

Today we went to the Samko & Miko sale. I picked up some toys for Ryan for his birthday. I got a cheap digital camera ($8) for Ryan's birthday since he is always using mine. I got a moon lamp for his room (for his birthday) because one of the main things I'd like to do for his birthday is set up his room in a space theme. We will paint the walls blue, get him a twin size bed, instead of his toddler bed, hang up his planets, decorate with stars and clouds, and can now put up this moon lamp ($16.50) to complete the theme. :) I also got my nephew a dinosaur kit ($2.75) for his 3rd birthday... still have to find his main gift. And a penquin shuffle board game I thought would be fun for Ryan to play ($10). I saw some other things but am watching my spending and do not want to buy things that will just break or fall apart in a few weeks or months, just because they are cheap. It can be very challenging to be trying to a) watch our spending, along with b) maintain a healthy diet and c) connect with others and build friendships and have quality family time both with just Ryan and his dad as well as with extended family. Hopefully I am balancing everything correctly.

When we got home we put on our Just Dance Kids Wii game that I borrowed from the library. Ryan got sooo excited. He just loved it! He didn't want it to end, and when daddy came home he couldn't wait to show him the game and all his moves.... with one request: "Daddy, you can't laugh at me!". I may end up having to purchase this game for his birthday, maybe from eBay. :)

Ryan eats no vegetables, which I hope will change in the near future. I remember, it was my grade 1 teacher who encouraged me to try new foods, and since then I will eat and try almost anything. I don't stress about it. In the meantime, he gets fresh fruits at least twice a day, a multi vitamin every morning, protein, milk, social stimuli and exercise. I think he is a pretty healthy kid.

My menu planning and cooking experiences have been going very well. I have been sticking to a diet less than 2000 calories a day, sometimes close to 1800. I have been exercising half an hour 4-5 times a week, and tonight I am going swimming for a whole hour all by myself once Ryan is asleep. :) On Friday I was going to make chicken skewers with rice, but instead I made a chicken stirfry with a honey garlic sauce and lots of vegetables from zucchini to broccoli, onion, green peppers, red & orange peppers, and chicken. It was so delicious! On Saturday we had steak, on Sunday I made the most amazing chicken burgers from scratch with barbecue sauce, topped with fresh mozzerella cheese and sauteed onions. I had a left over burger for lunch today. And for dinner I made spinach, chicken, and feta quesidillas with caesar salad (light). Yum! I left out the spinach for my husband though since he requested to never put any spinach in anything he eats!!

The Royal Ontario Museum

Yes... I know. For anyone who read my review of the Hamilton Children`s museum yesterday... we did two museums two days in a row... crazy, right? I carpooled to the ROM with a good friend of mine and her daughter, and I can`t speak for her, but I`m pretty sure the car ride there and back was the best part of the day, for us! :) The museum was not bad. The kids had a pretty good time while we were there, but I don`t think we`ll be going back, until a school trip or Ryan is old enough and asks to go. The dinosaurs were pretty cool to see, but Ryan is not really into dinosaurs too much so he didn`t get as excited to see them as he was to see felt letters at the Hamilton Museum yesterday! He said as we were walking by the dinosaur exhibit today `This is a CRAZY museum`. I`m not quite sure if that is a good thing or a bad.

Our time was spent on the second level of the museum, in discovery zone, the bat cave, and the dinosaur exhibit. We spent about 3 or 3.5 hours there minus lunch. I found it hard to navigate through the museum. In order to get to the discovery zone you have to walk through multiple different exhibits. And there are multiple elevators in the ROM, so it got confusing. And when I asked where the best place to eat lunch was I was told the cafetaria on B1. We were absolutely starving. We went down to B1 but the only thing there was a brown bag lunch area. I was expecting a cafeteria, but, as we all brought our lunch, a basic table where we could eat our lunch worked out okay anyway. I had to laugh at one point because one of our moms was chasing her toddler through the lunch room exasperated, one of our moms had her lunch disrupted by having to take her preschooler to the washroom, Ryan was laying on the bench not eating a thing, and the last mom was also stressed with a daughter who would not eat (without a lot of coaching). Ryan`s favourite part of the museum was probably the bat cave. He wanted to go through it again, and again. He also found a collection of 24 bottles with letters and numbers on them with various scents that he enjoyed smelling and organizing. There was a puzzle he liked, a magnifying glass he played with, and wandering around especially over ramps and bridges. All of the kids loved the dinosaur dig with sand, paint brushes, and goggles.

Traffic was bad getting back home so we didn`t get home until 5:30pm. But I didn`t mind the traffic with good company in the car with me. I made the most delicious dinner today that is guilt free and fairly healthy! The salmon I made was not even pre-seasoned like I usually buy. It was plain salmon that I seasoned myself and though I made it from a recipe it was altered quite a bit. It turned out even tastier than the pre-seasoned ones I buy! For anyone that knows me, this is amazing as I have never enjoyed cooking especially from scratch! Though I still don`t thoroughly enjoy cooking, it is growing on me as I get better at it, and I am enjoying the meals that I`ve created. With the salmon (which is very low on calories, esp for dinner), I made brussel sprouts which also turned out amazing (I put them in a casserole dish with 1 tbsp melted butter, 2 tbsp brown sugar, some lemon juice, a bit of water, and some garlic seasoning - not from a recipe). And some mini potatoes which I baked with some spices and green onion.

Hamilton Children`s Museum

Today we went to the Hamilton Children`s museum with 5 friends. Ryan`s red cheeks went away and his fever was practically gone. I am not sure what he had, though his nose was a bit runny a few times in the day, but not consistently. Hamilton children`s museum was small. It was smaller than any of the other museum`s we have visited. In fact, it was so small I had to park our stroller outside as it would not fit inside! However, the kids were all engaged and had fun and for the price ($5.01 for both Ryan and I) it is well worth the drive. I think the thing that all of our kids enjoyed the most was a velcro wall with different sized straight and twisted tubes that they arranged on the wall so that a ball could run from the top to the bottom through all the tubes. I liked the 50`s diner room with a huge kitchen area with play food, pretend cash registers, sinks, kitchen equipment, money, menus, aprons, and flatware. There were tables like in a restaurant, a jukebox, a pretend phone, and a dance floor. It was great! Only, in order to actually play music on the juke box you actually had to pay $1. Luckily some of the other moms that were not a part of our group did so we got to enjoy some music. We actually danced to one of the songs. :) Then, there was a room with a big tv where the kids could dress up and play music and dance and see themselves on TV. From the sounds of it the kids were trying to make the most amount of noise they possibly could, and we got some great photos! Unfortunately, though I remembered my camera, my memory card was still back at home in my computer. :( The last room in the museum was the arts and crafts room, which Ryan did not want much to do with. He did enjoy talking to the lizard in the room, and the kids giggled like crazy seeing their funny reflections in funhouse type mirrors. There were three crafts: making a dr. seuss hat out of a big paper bag, glue and paper, coloring a dr. seuss door hanger, and making lorax trees with plastercine, straws, and pompoms. Great crafts, but my son is not usually a crafter. There was also a Dr. Seuss circle time, which lasted for almost half an hour! There were two stories read - both with a lot of audience (kid) interaction... questions and asking them to make different sounds. There were four games - pin the sock on the fox, search the museum for hidden lorax trees, guess the green fruit or vegetable, and a fish matching game. It was very well done and long. Well worth the drive, however....

I have two issues with the museum. The first is that outside food is not permitted, nor do they serve food or is there any space to sit and eat or drink inside. Therefore you are stuck having a picnic in the park just outside the museum, or going to McDonalds across the street. Since everyone packed a lunch and many of us are on diets, we did not want to go to McDonalds. The weather was 15 degrees today so the group decided to have a picnic outside. However, the wind was brutal and as Ryan had a fever yesterday and I have a cough, I did not think it was smart to join the group. We had a picnic in the back of our minivan, and it was warm and Ryan was really good about eating there away from the group. I was so happy with him. No fights, no arguments, even though there was a playground there with slides and swings! He went down the slide once and came right with me no whining or arguments and happily had half a sandwich and a yogurt tube and some juice while I ate my wrap & a yogurt tube. It was nice. The second thing is that I doubt the museum has air conditioning considering the age of the building. It was hot in there today and I was thankful I dressed in layers with a short sleeve shirt under a sweater (under my jacket). In the summer I fear it would be brutally hot in there. But in the winter, you are stuck having to eat at McDonalds...

For dinner I had forgotten to take chicken out of the freezer so I made presidents choice blue menu korean chicken chunks with rice and corn. It was really tasty. First time I have tried the chicken, and I will definitely get it again.

Tuesday March 6

We spent the day at home today with the exception of a small outing to Queen of Apostles retreat centre, where my aunt works. I created a newsletter for them and my aunt gave me $200 for doing it today! $200! I told her that it was too much (it works out to over $50 per hour for something that I enjoyed doing), but she insisted I take it. She also gave Ryan an Indigo $10 gift card, $20 for my gas, smarties, mini eggs, crayons, and the cook gave Ryan a big bowl of ice cream (he charmed his way into that one...).

My lunch today was a big salad. I added some sesame chicken from a dinner a few nights ago and an Asian sesame dressing. For dinner I made the most delicious mac & cheese casserole and had it with some broccoli. The mac & cheese is definitely not a diet food, but because my breakfast and lunch were lighter, I am actually very good on my calories today even with a big serving of delicious mac & cheese. :)

Weight Loss Challenge

This past week I started on a weight loss challenge, and boy, is it ever a challenge!! My decision to start a weight loss program has been in the back of my mind for awhile, however, it was due to a close friends enthusiasm for joining weight watchers due to a health scare that really pushed me to start now, with her. I am still trying to find the right program for me. I do not have money to pay to join weight watchers, or a gym. I started tracking calories on www.myfitnesspal.com, but I am not sure if it is working. I have gained .3 pounds since starting and always feel hungry. It seems I am always thinking about food now. I have a few books reserved for me at the library about two other programs, one is a Glycemic Index diet, which is the kind of diet I think diabetics need to be on. I may try that one. In general I am eating less sugar, more vegetables, and trying to incorporate exercise every day. This was our dinner today:

It was good, but I was still hungry half an hour after eating it. I do not understand why, because it was a lot of food - a big chicken breast, 1 cup of converted rice, and half a cup of peas. So I had some snacks after and am still okay on my calories for the day, but wish I could do even better.

My exercise right now, consists mainly of dancing with Ryan. I put on some high energy dance songs really loud and go crazy dancing for half an hour every day that I can. Ryan usually dances with me for about 10 minutes and then starts playing ball, or playing with some other toy while I finish dancing. It is fun! I also am borrowing a few dance wii games from the library. If I really love one I may buy it, but as money is tight, trying before buying, is definitely a good thing! In the coming months, exercise will also consist of some swimming, jumping on trampolines, and walking or jogging.