All for love

When I was a little girl I already knew what I thought the purpose of life is, at least for me. I like to think my being, my soul, brought with it a simple important message when I was born that somehow I was able to remember and hold with me my whole life. The message was a single word but encompasses so much of who I want to be and my purpose for being alive: Love. I'd like to think that knowing my purpose from the time I was a little girl, basically since I was born, would give me a head start in accomplishing this goal. But even though I know it, it is so difficult to fulfill it. I mean, it is easy to love some people, like my child and my husband, especially when they are loving me and bringing joy and happiness into my life. But the kind of love I'm talking about is an unselfish love that loves at all times, even when it's difficult. There are so many times that I put myself first. Even, at times, above the people I love the most. I believe that children ought to be a mother's (and father's) first priority. Obviously there are times when they are not the number one focus - I have needs and things I need to do daily that I'm paying more attention to at the moment. But on the whole, my child's health, safety, happiness, and well being comes before my social life, a car, a bigger house, and even a computer and other people should it come down to it. If helping a family member or a friend is going to put my child's life or safety, and possibly even growth and well being in danger, I can't help them.

A lot of people these days, including the government, are making work, career, friends, and other things more important than our children. Maybe not their safety and their life may not be at stake, but children need the attention of their parents. Children need to know that someone loves them and is willing to put them first, above anything else. Sometimes putting them first means putting aside your dream of staying at home with them in order to make ends meet. And, sometimes it means putting your career on hold to stay at home with your children. If you are working to make ends meet you are helping your children thrive and grow. And though it's likely more difficult for a working mom, you sacrifice relaxation after a long hard day to get down and play with them, cook them a healthy meal, and read them a bedtime story. If you are working for prestige, or conveniences like a second car, or yearly vacations, or things that you don't really need, I challenge you to consider that perhaps your children would be better off to have you as a full time care giver. Children grow up so fast and when they are older we will all be wishing they are young again. You can make your child feel like they are loved and your number one priority regardless if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom. Always tell them they are loved. Never let them feel you don't want them in your life. Tell them if it was simply up to you and you alone they would never leave your side. And make sacrifices for them - time, most importantly. Spend your time off with them. Get down on the floor and play with them whenever you can. When you walk through the front door give them a hug and your love before rushing to get dinner on and your things put away. If I'm not willing to sacrifice for my child, who am I willing to sacrifice for?

I want to sacrifice for not only my child, and my husband, but for all my family and friends. Even strangers. For the most part I don't. Hopefully I do when it really counts. Hopefully my life has impacted more lives for the better than for the worse. I usually sacrifice when it gives me some benefit. The one thing I do that sometimes has no benefit to myself is the time and energy towards organizing my mommy group. The group benefits me as a whole - it has given me a handful or two of precious friendships, lots of wonderful outings and memories, as well as a way for me to do something I am good at (organization) which is a reward in itself. But I do it for more than myself otherwise I would have kept the group for moms with children around the same age as my own. I only go to about half the events I post. I do it because I want as many mommies as possible to be sharing all these precious moments together and believe in the benefits of friendship, support, and connecting with others.

I am always striving to do better, to love more, to love better - meaning to forgive, uplift people, complement them, listen to them, do nice things for them, applaud them, be courteous, patient, and kind. It's too easy to get caught up in self serving behavior and I need to constantly be reminding myself in order to love others consistently. All my life all I really wanted was a family including children, over a career or any material possession. I'm so thankful I am living that dream and can't imagine it any other way. My mom was a stay at home mom and we were always number 1 in her life. We knew it, and still do. At times we may even think she cares too much, does too much for us, and not enough for herself. But, you know what? She made us feel loved, secure, and like we were worth it! We were worth her giving up a better social life, a job, more money, a bigger house, or whatever else she possibly could have had if she focused more on herself. That confidence in knowing there was someone who wanted me and loved me and wanted to spend every moment she could beside me made me grow up very confident in who I am inside and into a very independent person who appreciates every minute of the time my mom spent with us, giving us the greatest gift a person could possibly give another being: a happy childhood and so many wonderful memories it would be impossible to write them all down. My parents never wanted to vacation alone. They wanted us with them. (They still do!) Whenever September rolled around and our Priest would start talking about how happy all the parents must be that the kids are going back to school and out of their hands, my mom made sure we knew that she did not feel that way. It always bothered me to think that my parents would be happy to get rid of me. I think if my mom never told me she really did want me despite what the rest of the world says, I would have grown up trying to please her and leaving home sooner, giving her what I thought she really wanted - being apart from me.

I hope that when my child(ren) look back on their childhood they too are blessed with a multitude of happy memories, know they are loved and have always been my number one priority. If that is all I am able to accomplish with my life, that is enough. Love is always enough.