Fear

Do you watch or read the news daily?  The world can be a very scary place to live.  You just never know.  Anything can happen.  You can get into a car crash, get stung by a mosquito and contract west nile disease, you can go out into the sun and get skin cancer years later, or go see a movie and get killed by some crazy person.  Who would have thought?  It`s really sad to think about those people who were killed - what could have been had they not been there that day and the shattered lives of those they left behind.  I was talking to someone who said they heard that some people have reacted by going out and purchasing a gun to protect themselves.  They reasoned that had the people sitting in the movie theatre been armed, perhaps not so many people would have died.  To me, that makes no sense at all.  First of all the gun man was protected by armor, but secondly inviting more guns into public places could only make things worse.  You can let the awful things that happen in the world consume you, scare you, and terrify you into never seeing a midnight screening of a movie,  never going to crowded places, or buying a gun.  You can live in fear of mosquitoes, never to go camping or go out in dusk again.  There are hundreds, no, thousands of things you can be afraid of - but I think the number 1 thing we should be most afraid of is to live a life completely covered in fear.  We need to live with hope, faith, love and joy.  We can`t let the bad things overtake all the good things.  We need to focus on the good and have hope in the humanity and goodness in most people.  Otherwise, what kind of life are we living?  One of despair, fear, worry, hatred of others, and segregation.  Living a life like that will only make things worse.  We could lose our lives tomorrow, but what good will worrying about it do?  No, I choose to live with hope, faith, and love.  Faith that no matter what happens my life is in God`s hands and even death is not the end.  Hope that no matter what comes my way I will make the most of it and find the strength to overcome.  Love so whenever I die, hopefully at the end of a long and full life, I leave behind something good and enjoy all the time I have.


Personally, I don`t read or watch the news every single day.  I don`t spend hours researching the wars going on overseas, or all the thousands of problems my neighbors and fellow citizens of the world are dealing with.  It`s not that I don`t care.  I do.  It`s not that I don`t want to help.  Deep down, I do.  We need to focus on the positive things and act on God`s lead in order to do that.  Instead of reading for hours and feeling bad for people, guilty about not doing anything, hopeless that things will change, making excuses and worrying about our own problems, we need to take a step forward in doing something good for someone else.  It could be our own children, our neighbors, our co-workers, that person behind us in line, or a compliment to a friend.  If we all stopped worrying about the bad and starting acting on the good, a lot more people would be helped, fed, and more emotionally stable.  I feel I have a long way to go to get to the point I feel like I`m doing all I can and to be all I can be.  But it really doesn`t matter how much you help and how many you help as long as you are acting on whatever you feel called to do - whatever is good, loving, and kind.  One step at a time we will make a difference as long as we keep moving in a positive action filled direction.  ``Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.`` Martin Luther King, Jr. 


I don`t think we can ever erase fear all together, nor is it healthy.  We need to be aware enough to do what we can to protect our family and to not be naive to what is going on.  However we can`t let it consume us.  We can`t let it rule our thoughts, our lives, our hopes and our dreams.  We need to let go of it enough to love others, help others, and serve others whatever the cost.  We need to live with faith.  Faith is the opposite of fear because with it we can achieve and conquer absolutely anything.

GTA Beaches

We have been enjoying an extended extremely hot summer and have been loving every minute of it!  I wish the weather was so hot (and even humid) 365 days a year.  Of course, if I had no air conditioning or if I had to work without it, that would not be the case!  My air conditioning runs through the night as I have such a hard time sleeping when it is warm.  We pay the price but it`s worth it, to me.  We tend to save trips to wonderland for the milder temperature days that are below 30 degrees.  Even though there is a nice big water park there, it`s crowded and a long walk to get to the water.  We`ve been spending a lot of time at the beach this year.  We`ve been to Kelso three times so far, with plans to go twice more before the summer is up.  We went to Wasaga once with plans to go one or two more times this summer, and we`ve been to Professor`s Lake beach with plans to go back one or two more times as well.  Ryan and I both LOVE the water - swimming and splashing around in it.  Most kids we go with spend a lot of time in the sand building sand castles and digging trenches.  Ryan prefers to spend most of the time in the water swimming around with his swim ring on and though I am over protective about him in the water, wanting him to be at knee level water or with me right by his side, I love having a water baby as there is no other place I`d rather be.

I`m thinking of putting him in swim lessons this fall as he really wants to take them.  I took swimming lessons for years but ended up learning how to swim on my own - self taught at Kelso day camp.  The lessons when I was younger were mostly a big waste of time.  That is the reason I have been hesitating putting Ryan in swim lessons till now.  It`s not like we have extra money floating around to put him in lots of extra curricular activities.  He is already very comfortable in the water, blows bubbles, is able to swim on his own in a life jacket or swim ring, has no fear at all, he has put his face in the water briefly a couple times, etc...   I would love for him to learn how to float and swim without a life jacket on but wonder if the lessons at his age would help at all with this or if it will mostly just come with practice and age.

The three beaches I mentioned are all really different from one another.  The closest to us is Kelso.  It`s most convenient for us, with no worries about traffic coming home at 4 or 5 in the middle of rush hour.  The farthest is obviously Wasaga, however, it`s only about a 20-25 minute drive away from my parents so it`s a great thing to do when we are visiting them.  In order to get to Kelso beach you have to either walk down a very steep hill, walk down a large set of stairs, or walk a very long time along the boardwalk from the entrance.  We usually take a stroller in order to carry all our stuff (picnic, sand toys, swim ring, towels, change of clothes for Ryan, drinks, sun screen, etc...) and I usually opt for the steep hill as it is quickest.  Going down is the easy part, and I`m not as hot (wet from the water) for the walk back up - I figure I need the exercise anyway, and if it`s bad I stop and take breaks. :)    The sand at Kelso is very pebbly and rough on my feet.  I much prefer the sand at Professors Lake and Wasaga.  Kelso has a nice snack bar where you can buy hamburgers, popsicles, ice cream treats, etc... for reasonable prices in July and August.  There are LOTS of picnic tables and you can usually find one in the shade no matter what time you arrive (on a week day anyway).  The beach is rigged with little wires above it to prevent birds from flying on to the beach or in the water.  The water is very shallow and Ryan is able to touch the bottom even at the divider rope that he is not allowed to go past with life jackets or swim rings on.  Professors Lake got deeper which I kind of like as it is hard for me to swim in water that is less than waist deep.  The sand was soft and ideal for sand castle building and walking on without pain.  There is a large water slide for anyone 39.5 inches or taller.  Ryan was SOOO excited to go on it.  It was the first thing he did.  Unfortunately he lost his balance and ended up on his back instead of sitting up and he said he hit his head somehow on the way down which scared him so much he would not try it again even after watching his friends and myself go down numerous times.  Of course he wanted to spend the whole time in the water.  There weren`t as many picnic tables at Professor`s lake, esp shaded ones.  Next time I will eat lunch BEFORE going.  There were a lot of bees and wasps there and I didn`t see as many at Kelso or Wasaga.  I am terrified of bees so eating at Professor`s lake is a bit of a challenge for me.  We also tried paddle boating with a friend for the first time ever.  I was a little nervous being in the middle of a lake with Ryan in his own seat without a seat belt trying to help us pedal but it was a good experience.  We had a whistle in case of an emergency and the kids sat in front of us so we could see them all the time.  We all had life jackets on.  It was a good price at $2.15 per person (4 of us were on the boat).  The cost of Kelso and Professor`s Lake is basically the same (approx. $6.50 for both myself and Ryan).  Wasaga is more expensive - $16 per vehicle.  Wasaga is very shallow for a very long time.  But if you go too far you risk the undertow of the currents.  A boy just drowned there this week.  He drowned in beach area 1 which is the most dangerous beach to swim at due to the currents.  We normally go to beach area 4 or 5 which are more family oriented and safer.  Beach area 4 had a playground right next to our picnic table which was probably a mistake as the kids wanted to play on it constantly and there were some really high ladders and edges to fall over.  We saw several kids fall on their heads on one of the slides which we told our kids not to go down.  The beach is HUGE and the nice thing about wasaga is the waves which are so much fun to ride over on floats.  The sand is beautiful and the picnic area is shaded though MUCH farther back from the beach (lots of walking back and forth).  There are washrooms at all 3 beaches.  Professors Lake had a snack bar as well with drinks, popsicles and I believe some sort of hot dog or pizza as well.  It was very reasonably priced - we got a slush puppy for $1.  Wasaga does not have a snack bar - at least at beaches 3-6.   All three beaches are good.  I think if you live in Brampton your best bet is Professor`s Lake, especially if you don`t mind wasps.

There is my long review of the three beaches we have visited this summer.  Happy summer!  :)

Pride vs. Equality

This week has been filled with a lot of pride - Canadian Pride, Gay Pride, and also American Pride.  It has been leading me to think about whether pride is a good thing or not.  Clearly our society thinks it is a good thing to be proud - proud of your Country, proud of your sexuality, proud of your achievements, education, and of YOU.   It's all a little self serving isn't it?  Shouldn't we instead be focusing on others - including others in our plans, lifting one another up, uniting and loving instead of showing off how great we are?  I think the world would be a much better place if everyone was a little less proud and a little more accepting of others.  I think we should strive for equality instead of pride.  Pride often divides instead of unites.  Though it may not be the intent, when you display pride it infers whatever you are proud of is better than others.  Proud to be Canadian ... rather than some poor other soul that was born in another Country?  Yes, we have much to be thankful about here in Canada.  I love Canada.  I think my grandparents made a good choice by coming here when the war made them flee their home land.  Canada offers freedoms that many other Countries don't.  Celebrate the great things our Country has to offer and be thankful to God for your freedom, but don't be proud.  Being Canadian, American, Gay, Straight, White, Black, or talented in singing or cooking or whatever other talent God gave you doesn't mean you are automatically a better person than someone who is different, and you probably had very little to do with your ability or nationality or sexuality to begin with.   


The bible says "Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." (Romans 12:16).  

The Websters dictionary says pride is conceit, self-respect, distain, and "the best".  A few quotes I found online:  "Pride is an admission of weakness; it secretly fears all competition and dreads all rivals"  (Fulton J. Sheen), and "Pride is the perpetual weakness of the natural man which seeks satisfaction in ascending above others."

Self respect is a good thing but let's focus on respecting others first and once we all do this we will all be happier with who we are and respectful of ourselves as well.  I am not saying I do not have pride.  I struggle with it as much as anyone.  I am proud of my child, my church, my home, some of my talents, my intelligence, etc...   But I don't want to be.  I want to be humble and I want to be a servant of God - allowing Him to take credit for anything positive that I have, do and say.  I want to acknowledge myself as I am - equal to every other human on earth - not better, not worse.  Anything which I am better at or have more of than another has come from God anyway - so it is not I that should be proud.   

Inspiration

I have been searching for inspiration and motivation to get back into writing here in this blog.  I have yet to find it.  I love to write, but sometimes it is hard to come up with a topic.  One that is interesting and positive that does not sound like I'm complaining about this or that, but at the same time does not sound like I'm boasting about how great my life is either.  I value genuineness and always want to be that way with others without worrying about how people will feel.  But words can hurt others.  They can make others feel jealous, angry, or bothered without the intent to do so.  They can leave people feeling left out, unwanted, judged, or unloved.  While I want to be genuine, I also want my words to be encouraging, uplifting, motivating, inspiring, and make people feel good about themselves.  So I'm searching for a way to do what I love (writing) in a way that will honor others best (more).  

In the meantime, I leave you with some poems I wrote 10+ years ago when I still had lots of inspiration to write. :)

I never knew

I shared this poem written for Sean with him on the day we first told each other "I love you"

I never knew what true love was

Or why I had to wait

I couldn't wait for it to start

So I went on many dates

I never knew I could be treated

With so much tenderness

Your touch, your gaze & your embrace

Make all else meaningless

I never thought about a life

Without a love that's true

But I never knew i'd meet someone

As wonderful as you

I was always pretty modest

And quiet as could be

I always wished but doubted

A guy would fall for me

I never understood love that's right

Or what makes love so true

Because I've never had a love so right

As when I am with you

I've been in love before

And cried when it was through

But I never knew what it meant

For that love to be so true




In my life
Of childhood memories I have of the past
I hope they’re never forgotten; forever they’ll last
The first time I flew down a snow covered ski hill
Not able to stop – scary at first, but what a thrill
I sailed upon water and flew over land
Saw beauty so splendid, I’ve seen white and black sand
I picked shells at dawn, I’ve been in oceans and caves
Seen Volcanoes, Earthquakes, and Hawaiian waves
I have learned to dance, and to sing, and to drive
I made friends. I found God. I’ve felt so alive
I played piano, guitar, tennis, and ball
Been to concerts and plays, a ballet and the mall
I’ve been camping and I’ve learned how to swim
And in just a few months I will marry “him”
I’ve been on roller coasters over 10 stories high
I am glad in my life that my mom let me try
Life is too short to give up or give in
Give all you can to this world and you’ll win
I have no regrets if I should die tonight
My life has been full, I hope my future’s as bright 

Softly he whispers
Softly he whispers, in her tender ear
‘I want you to stay here, and always be near’
He has shown no emotion, he has not shed a tear
Until her sweet love, devotion, and care
He looks up with hope as he gets down on one knee
He has enough courage to ask her finally
She has opened his eyes to a new way of life
So today he asks her ‘will you be my wife?’
She looks at him smiling, she’s been waiting for weeks
‘Yes!’ she exclaims as she kisses his cheek
‘I’ll stay with you forever, till my dying day’
He gives her a ring, without a delay
A token of love, a promise to stay
‘I’ll love you forever, through blue skies or gray.
I will never leave you, I’ll stand by your side
I just can not wait to make you my bride’
The rings on her finger, they hold each other tight
They’ll never forget this wonderful night
His tears fall down freely, his joy is made clear
And softly he whispers ‘I love you my dear’




Freedom
Searching for me, do I live?
All alone, by myself, there is nothing left to give
I want to reach to the stars in the heavens above
I want to hold them in my hands and explode full of love
I want to sing in my heart like the birds full of joy
And fly to the sky like an eagle way up high
So light like a feather I would glide down to earth
Feeling the wind in my hair as I soar through the air
So free, falling, with no fear and landing by the sea
Where am I? Looking up at the clouds, white as snow
They are here, they are there, they surround me
The ocean crashes on the shore, how can I go?
I am sinking, feeling heavy, going back to where I started
I want to stay out by the water, in the freedom of the unknown
It’s getting darker, the light is fading, into nothing
Nothing but the silence of my empty heart that’s longing
For the release of my heart singing and dancing
Giving to the world - beautiful like butterflies of many vibrant colors
Thousands, millions, all coming from my soul
But here I am, back beside me, all alone - with nothing but hope




Silence
Written about my mom being up at a friends cottage by herself when we were in between homes many years ago


Tick tock, Drip drop
She sleeps but awakens to the sound of the clock
Going Tick tock, and the drops falling down like a rock
Drip drop, Tick tock
As she looks out the window she feels more awake
Just outside are the trees, and the birds, and the lake
All she can hear is the sound of the clock
And the water dripping down – tick tock, drip drop
In rhythm they beat like the sound of her heart
She is waiting. For movement, for laughter, for something to start
Everything is still but the wind in the trees
She opens the door to feel the gentle breeze
And now she can hear the birds singing sweet melodies
She longs for her family, she wants to be free
Day after day, this is all she can see
As she closes the door, once more all she hears
Is the sound of the clock and drops falling like tears
Tick tock goes the clock, Drip drop like a knock
Tick tock, Drip drop, Tick tock, Drip drop




She waits
Waiting for Sean to come home one late, late evening


She waits
It’s late
Not a sound is heard
She hasn’t heard a word
She waits
At a quarter past eight
He was supposed to be home
Why didn’t he phone?
She waits
He’s late
It’s eleven o’clock
Back and forth she walks
Back and forth she walks
She cries
She thinks he has died
Something must be wrong
For him to be so long
She cries
And tears fill her eyes
She looks out at the sky
She prays
She thinks of all the ways
She would change in future days
If only he would come home
Or pick up the phone
Just pick up the phone
And call
Why doesn’t he call?
It rings. A sound
Is it him? Is he found?
She picks up the phone
Just to hear a dial tone
She frowns
And sits back down
She waits
And waits




Think Back
Think about back when you had your first kiss
Did you miss, was it sweet, was it pure bliss?
Who was your first love, what was their name?
Losing your innocence - you’re no longer the same
Where did you go on your first date?
Did you ever get home really really late?
Have you ever been star struck, a crazy fan
Met someone famous, or been in a rock band?
What is the prettiest thing that you’ve seen?
Where is the best place that you’ve ever been?
Have you ever cried over love that was lost
Or felt like giving up, like it’s not worth the cost?
How have you grown, and what have you learned?
Have you been turned away, have you ever been burned?
Did you play on a team, did you win anything?
Have you danced in the moonlight, have you worn someones ring?
Think back. What do you remember most in your life?
The good times and laughter or hardship and strife?




Dreams
How much have you done in the life that you live
Do you have some regrets? Did you take? Did you give?
Is there something you have always wanted to do
But haven’t just because it was new?
What are your dreams for the days still to come?
They may be thrills or peace in the place you come from
Perhaps you will travel far from your home
To Egypt or Paris, and Sydney and Rome
Or perhaps you’ll have children running around
You’ll raise them the best way that you have found
Follow your dreams – because they can come true
Never give up; believe in them; pray for them too 



The Commencement
Listening to the waves crash along the shore
Feeling warm emotions that make my heart soar
Gazing at the water with him by my side
Wondering if he feels the same way inside

Does he feel shivers running down his spine?
And does he wish that he could stop the movement of time?
I think that we were brought together by God's design
But if he really likes me, then please give me a sign

Longing for his hand to reach out and touch mine
Wishing we could stay together for the rest of time
Knowing that he's just what I've been longing for
Thinking that with him I could spend forever more

Is he the answer to my prayers? I should not speak too fast
The way I feel is so strong though that it just might last
A soft warm kiss upon my cheek ends an enchanting night
And dreams of him will keep me warm until the morning light


I Love You
I love you for the way you care
I love you for your breathless stares
I love you for your warm smile
I love you and you drive me wild

The way you look into my eyes
I know your not like other guys
It's magic when I kiss your lips
And heaven when my heart does flips

I love you for the way you bring
Joy to me and everything
I love you for your hopes and dreams
I love you for all that love means